A Self-Introduction Email to Professor Brad
Subject: An introduction for the trimester
Dear Prof. Brad Franklin Blackstone,
I am Er Zhi Xian, a student of yours and also a freshman currently studying mechanical engineering in the Singapore Institute of Technology. I am reaching out to provide a more substantial introduction of myself to you.
Formerly studying aeronautical engineering in SP, my initial fascination of aircrafts has morphed into a broader interest in consumer products and industrial machinery development. This change was largely influenced by my final year project, which served as a catalyst in shaping my current interest and workstyle.
Believing that with more information comes better understanding when communicating, expressing my thoughts without fearing the extent of criticism has always been my strong suit. In groups, I would rarely hesitate in providing constructive feedback and would always encourage my teammates to reciprocate. For instance, during the aforementioned final year project, we were tasked in producing an augmented reality learning experience. I gave consistent suggestions in the user interface design and experience and assured my teammates in reciprocating, resulting in a more polished product and subsequently scoring well!
As an introvert, I had always been apprehensive in interactions with strangers. My mannerisms, thoughts and confidence start to deteriorate, becoming more apparent in larger settings. However, I am glad to say that I have improved, though not significantly. Hence, one of my goals for this module would be to further work on this weakness and emerge a more confident speaker.
Tying back into my strength of being forthright, it can be unintentionally viewed as unrefined and boorish. From my perspective, that is the biggest shortcoming, as it affects the coherence and conciseness of my thoughts. Furthermore, it can lead to misinterpretation of logical principles during discussions, impacting the common goal. Thus, I would like to use this module to sharpen my critical thinking skills, improving my idea articulation.
What sets me apart would be my receptiveness to new ideas. I have always believed that learning is a lifelong process and there is no one right way to do anything. Therefore, I look forward to the range of feedback my classmates and this module can provide for me.
Yours sincerely,
Er Zhi Xian
Hi Zhi Xian, your paragraphs are clearly distributed with each of them explaining concretely. It is interesting that not only do you describe your strength as a team player but also understand where you want to improve on it. However, I noted that for paragraph 4, an “as” would be suggested to be used in: “and emerge a more confident speaker”. Also, the exclamation mark at the end of paragraph 3 could be replaced with a full stop to make the letter formal. Overall, I am able to understand the overview of your letter and hope that you will be able to overcome your communication weakness.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction of yourself was quite well-elaborated. The details are quite clear and concise. It was quite a surprise to find out that you studied the same course as me. I liked how you tied your interests and FYP together.
ReplyDeleteYour strength and weakness are well elaborated. The examples illustrates your strength and weakness well. Overall, the flow is quite good for strength and weakness.
I appreciate the reason behind your goals. It links the goals to what you are currently and what you want to improve.
Overall, the email meets the 7Cs quite well in my opinion. The language use was also appropriate.
Hello Zhi Xian, your email is thoughtfully written and provides a clear, insightful introduction of yourself. Through this email, I was able to learn about your academic journey from aeronautical engineering to your current interest in mechanical engineering. You've explained your strengths and weaknesses of communication with clarity and depth. Additionally, I was able to learn about your goals as a student in the Communication & Critical Thinking module. I believe that your positive attitude towards lifelong learning will help you excel in this module and beyond. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteDear Zhi Xian,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well developed and informative letter. You address the key points and elaborate with decent detail. You share about your evolving interests, from aircrafts to consumer products and industrial machinery development, and this creates a sense of wonder in your reader. We might ask the questions: How did the change happen? What caused him to shift his focus? I'd like to learn more about that.
You also pique our interest as you mention being an introvert, and as you mention a second weakness, the possibility of being "viewed as unrefined and boorish."
If there is anything to work on in terms of language use in a 2nd draft, it would be the sentence structure issues in the following sentences:
1. Formerly studying aeronautical engineering in SP, my initial fascination of aircrafts has morphed into a broader interest in consumer products and industrial machinery development.
2. Believing that with more information comes better understanding when communicating, expressing my thoughts without fearing the extent of criticism has always been my strong suit.
3. Tying back into my strength of being forthright, it can be unintentionally viewed as unrefined and boorish.
What is the subject of each of these? Who is studying, believing and even tying? You need to mention that 'actor' as the subject. (Please see me about this.)
Thanks again for your effort with this introduction. I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad